A Ray of Light

We're in for a rough couple of weeks as Darin adjusts to his new schedule. We're trying to help him understand that going to sleep when we put him to bed will help, but that seems to be when he gets his second wind. So, we struggle with getting him to go to bed, and then when he's tired in the morning, we struggle with getting him to get on the bus to go to school. Transitioning between activities has never been Darin's strong suit.

So, last night was one of those struggling nights. Darin just wouldn't do what I needed him to do. I was running out of patience from my own lack of sleep and my need to get something to eat and I pretty much lost it. I was stomping around and slamming doors and drawers as I worked on getting Darin in his "sleepings". We finally got the sleepings on and Darin tucked into bed when the tears started. I sat on the edge of his bed and apologized for my anger. I kept saying sorry over and over to try to help him understand I am mad at the autism, not mad at Darin. Something amazing occured. To understand how amazing this was, you have to understand that most autistic people have a hard time understanding and interpreting emotions. There have been plenty of times when I've scowled in anger at Darin and he just laughs because he thinks I'm pulling a funny face. And so, as I sat there telling Darin "I'm sorry," I found myself hearing him tell me that I got mad and it made him cry. I almost started to cry out of joy, but I knew that would just confuse Darin. My little autistic boy was telling me that he had realized I was mad and it made him cry! Ok, the crying part wasn't very good parenting, but we're all human and that's why I was apologizing. And then, Darin said, "I'm sorry Mommy." Maybe I'm just being hopeful, but I'm going to believe that he was apologizing for making me mad. Thank you, Darin, and thank you, Heavenly Father, for this moment of understanding with my son.