I See Autism

Do you remember the catch phrase from the movie "The Sixth Sense": I see dead people?

Well, I see Autism.

I realized this weekend while watching "Pride and Prejudice" that an argument could be made that Mr. Darcy is autistic. Sure, a lot of his actions can be attributed to pride and/or prejudice (hence the title), but sometimes I wonder...

When he proposed to Lizzy, he jumped right to the point and told her straight out that he loved her. He then proceeded to tell her every reason why he SHOULDN'T love her. Isn't that every girl's dream proposal? But he admits the reason himself: "...disguise of every sort is my abhorrence. Nor am I ashamed of the feelings I related. They were natural and just." Do you know that autistic people have a hard time telling lies? Lying is just another social norm that they would have to learn. Social norms are taught to autistic people - don't hit, be quiet in the library, ask for something instead of crying and whining. I don't really see myself teaching my son how to lie. It just isn't a social norm that is high on my list of things I want to teach my son. It doesn't even strike me as something I want to add to the list.

So, perhaps Mr. Darcy didn't understand you aren't supposed to tell the girl you love all of the reasons you've been trying not to love her. And then, when Elizabeth rejects him, he doesn't comprehend it. I'm sure in all of the stories he had read and heard, when a reputable man proposes to the girl he loves, she accepts. He just doesn't understand how she could possibly reject him. Yes, this could be a fault of his pride, but perhaps he just believed it was a social norm for a girl who receives a proposal to accept the proposal. Compare this to the rejection Elizabeth gives to Mr. Collins earlier in the story. When he initially rejects him, he begins to think of reasons why she might be rejecting him. Yes, he still expects Elizabeth to accept him, but he can see some "social norms" that might be causing Elizabeth's rejection. Teaching someone with autism about "social norms" can be difficult at times because not all circumstances have the same outcome. You can't just tell them not to hit people because then they won't understand when some people hit him. You have to teach him not to hit people and then teach him what he needs to do when someone hits him. And even that isn't easy. Perhaps he is hit while he's on the playground. He needs to know to go to his teacher. Perhaps Lizzy hits him. He needs to go to a parent. Perhaps he gets hit in Primary. He needs to know to go to his teacher. Right now, I have to break it down into those specifics because he doesn't understand generalities like "tell an adult". And then there is the fun of trying to teach him to understand the difference between being hit on purpose and being hit on purpose. When Lizzy comes around a corner and runs into him, it was an accident, but Darin sees it as being on purpose. There are just so many outcomes to try to teach and learn from. Perhaps Mr. Darcy didn't realize the girl doesn't always accept proposals.

But perhaps the glowing neon sign of Mr. Darcy's autism occurs a little earlier in the story. Elizabeth is talking to Mr. Darcy's cousin Colonel Fitzwilliam about how Mr. Darcy didn't make a really good impression when he came into the country. She tells Colonel Fitzwilliam that Mr. Darcy hardly danced with anyone at a ball where there were plenty of women who had to sit out because there weren't enough men for everyone to have a partner. Perhaps Mr. Darcy, even though undiagnosed, was aware of his own difficulties: "I certainly have not the talent which some possess," said Darcy, "of conversing easily with those I have never seen before. I cannot catch their tone of conversation, or appear interested in their concerns, as I often see done." There! He admits that he can't really read a room. He can't tell from a person's tone of voice how they are feeling. He doesn't know how to appear to be interested when he really isn't. He doesn't know how to put on a "social face". And he doesn't know what would be socially acceptable to talk about with people he is meeting for the first time.

At this point, Elizabeth gives Mr. Darcy the only advice for an autistic person - practice. Yes, it might be hard, but there are hard things for all of us. Elizabeth points out that she doesn't play the piano very well, but she acknowledges that is because she doesn't practice. To other people, it will come naturally, but without practice, she'll never play very well.

So, given time, Mr. Darcy is able to put on a better performance. It seems very stilted at times, as though he just just trying to remember to put one foot in front of the other, but at least he is still trying. I know Darin tries to do what he should, but I can tell there are times when he is more focused about it and trying to remember all of the steps. Some things come naturally to him now, but I know it will be a life filled with trying to remember all of the steps. And there will be times when he will need understanding when he forgets some steps. I think this happened for Mr. Darcy. When Elizabeth tells Mr. Darcy that her youngest sister has run off with the scoundrel Mr. Wickham, Darcy seems to forget that social decorum would state that he would be very attentive to Elizabeth. When he first recognizes her state of distress, he is very attentive, but when he learns the cause, he seems to forget the appearance of attentiveness. Sure, he is thinking about what he can do to remedy the situation, but he left of the "social decorum" in the meantime. And when he does leave, it seems to be very abrupt. Elizabeth could have mentally accused Mr. Darcy of being the proud arrogant person she believed him to be at the beginning of the story, but she takes the blame upon herself. She sees her own sorry state of affairs and does not blame Mr. Darcy for beginning to distance himself from her. She has come to more fully understand him, and while she may not understand that perhaps it is autism, she doesn't blame him for his loss of "social decorum".

And the course of the story taught Mr. Darcy a few things. Among them, perhaps, is that being autistic, he may not be able to correctly interpret facial expressions. Sure, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth exchange a lovely look when Elizabeth comes to Mr. Darcy's sister's rescue at the mention of the scoundrel Mr. Wickham who had played falsely with Mr. Darcy's sister, but Mr. Darcy does not trust himself to interpret this as a complete change in Elizabeth's feelings for her. Sure, he does rush off to her the next day and perhaps may have tried to win her over again if he hadn't happened upon Elizabeth upset over her sister's actions. We'll never know what his intentions would have been had that meeting been happier. But even after he has helped Elizabeth's sister and been key in reuniting Jane and Mr. Bingley, he doesn't trust himself to be completely in Elizabeth's good graces. He does not act until he hears how Elizabeth wasn't rude about him to his own aunt. That is when he has hope. He waits for someone else's interpretation of the circumstances before he acts.

So, perhaps if Mr. Darcy had been properly diagnosed, Elizabeth would have been able to be a little less prejudiced and Mr. Darcy would have perhaps been a little less proudly aloof. But then again, if they were, there wouldn't be much of a story.