Vacations: A Blessing and a Curse

Vacationing with a child with Autism has its ups and downs. One nice thing is by being in a different environment, he tends to not be as rigid in his routines. Since he is not in his familiar environment, he can think that things may not be the same. But this can also be a strain when you need him to do something he normally does, such as going to bed. Another bonus about vacationing with a child with Austism is the ability to introduce him to new experiences. He can see people he hasn't seen in awhile, make new friends, see new things. Our kids got to feed the ducks near my aunt's home last weekend. After that, each time we drove past the ducks, he said hello and goodbye. Nobody said my son's new friends had to be human.

But just as it is with any vacation, coming home can be exhausting. And when my son gets exhausted, he becomes more difficult. It is times like this when I wish he could tell me what he is feeling. If he could just simply say, "Mom, I just don't want to do anything," then at least I could explain to him that he's exhausted from the trip like the rest of us, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't do what we need to do.

And while I know it will get better as he gains more social understanding, taking him anywhere can be exhausting, whether it be on a vacation or to the store or to Grandma's house for dinner. There is such a pressure to be ultra-aware of what he's doing or where he is - especially when he is around other children. And this pressure may just be of my own making, but that knowledge doesn't make it go away. I still want to try to be there to keep my son from hitting another child who doesn't understand when he doesn't want to play or when my son doesn't understand sharing doesn't mean taking something away the moment you want it. At my home, when I get frustrated with my son and his behavior, I can put him in his room where he can have his royal fit. When I'm not at home, I don't really have that option. I may have a room to put him in, but it isn't the same as putting him in his room at home. At home, I know there is nothing he can get into. The worst he can do is take the sheets off the bed. In other places we go, there aren't rooms that empty. I may be able to shut him away so he can calm down on his own, but I have to worry about what he might get into.

So, we don't really get out that much. I know we should be exposing our son to more people so he understands he needs to obey more people than just his parents. I know both myself and my husband need the break from the life of raising an autistic child. I know all of this. It doesn't change the circumstances of how responsible I feel for his upbringing (which may be amplified by my own feelings of not being home to help take care of him during the day). Until my son learns better social understanding or until I can let go of some of the responsibility I feel about him, nothing much is going to change.